Joe's Blog

Paraprosdokians

2012-01-14T10:30:00.001-05:00

Paraprosdokians are phrases or sentences that lead us down a particular train of thought to an unexpected ending.

"Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a Paraprosdokian - Winston Churchill loved them.

1. Do not argue with an idiot.

He will drag you down to his level

and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.

But it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound.

This is why some people appear

Bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.

Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,'

and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.

To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career.

Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says,

'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down

the street with a bald head and a beer gut,

and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman.

Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive.

You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness,

but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There's a fine line between cuddling

and holding someone down so they can't get away.

20. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

21. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian

Any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Untitled

2011-11-28T11:41:00.001-05:00

WALLING: MCMASTER WINS FIRST VANIER CUP

Alex J. Walling
11/26/2011 1:15:36 PM

Text Size

The McMaster Marauders are the best college football team in Canada.

They earned that honour on Friday night, defeating the unbeatable (in Vanier Cup games) Laval Rouge et Or, 41-38, in double overtime in Vancouver.

Friday's game may have been the weirdest, most dramatic game in college football that I've seen, and it's certainly in my top ten football games of all time.

Some of those include the 1961 overtime win by Winnipeg over Hamilton, the 1958 overtime game between the Baltimore Colts and the New York Giants (the first NFL game ever shown on Canadian TV), the 1962 Fog Bowl, and the last-second Atlantic Bowl win by Saint Mary's over Western in 1990.

The "I don't believe it" line must have been uttered more than a few times in Friday's tilt, including a 101 yard pass and run between Kyle Quinlan and one of his receivers. But the play was called back due to an offside by the receiver; to punt and interception returns for touchdowns by Laval to around five more plays that were amazing.

The term 'shock and awe' were first used in a military plan but they were in evidence in this year's Vanier Cup match-up.

First of all, the nation was in shock when McMaster started the game by scoring, and scoring, and scoring again.

When the first half was over, the score showed McMaster 23, Laval 0.

23-0 against Laval.

Unbelievable.

This is the team that allowed no more than 12 points a game and gave up only 53 yards rushing and they were getting decimated.

Vanier Cup MVP Kyle Quinlan looked as he did warming up for the CFL combines, with 24 first downs and 289 yards passing in the first half!

"It was an incredible performance by an incredible player," said coach Stefan Ptaszek, who has high praise for Quinlan.

"He may be the best player I have seen at this level - ever," Ptaszek told TSN.

Quinlan, of South Woodslee, Ontario took home the Ted Morris Memorial trophy as offensive MVP, going 36-55 and 482 yards.

He put on a passing clinic for coaches and GMs who may want to look at a Canadian quarterback; a very rare commodity in the CFL.

He also picked up 106 yards on the ground.

But Laval wasn't the number one team in the nation for nothing.

The "awe" came in the second half.

While McMaster provided the shock, it was Laval that "awed" us with their comeback.

Laval started its comeback and continued it until they took a 24-23 lead. There were more heroics on both sides and with seconds left, Tyler Crapigna had a good chance to get the win but missed a field goal from 25 yards out.

"I had a feeling I was going to get used again in overtime, so I just wanted to get right out there and kick it," Crapigna said. "Obviously, I wanted another shot. It felt good to finally get that."

He did get a chance to win it in overtime and nailed the game-ending field goal.

It was a heck of a game.

Laval was looking to pull off a miraculous comeback, trailing 23-0 at the half in the first Vanier Cup game played in British Columbia. They rattled off 31 second-half points to force overtime.

"I'm really proud of my players and really proud of the character they showed," said Laval head coach Glen Constantin, who holds the record with five Vanier Cup wins as a head coach. "They could have easily packed it in after the first half."

The Laval offence struggled early but senior quarterback Bruno Prud'homme, in his final game, guided a strong comeback effort for his Rouge et Or.

"In the first half, we dug ourselves a big hole with a number of mental mistakes," said Prud'homme, who went 21-for-30 for 239 yards along with two touchdowns and two interceptions. "But we came back really strong and we should be proud of that."

They should be proud and Prud'homme should be as well.

Much like Anthony Calvillo in the CFL's Eastern Final, Prud'homme had a great second half and on several occasions gave his team the lead.

In overtime, when Quinlan put McMaster ahead, Prud'homme came back with a bomb of his own to tie it.

As the saying goes "someone has to lose."

It seemed fitting for the game to be decided in overtime.

"All we said entering the fourth quarter was if I were to tell you in August that we were going to be in national final, down one point in the fourth with the best offence in the country, would you have taken it - they'll take it," Ptaszek said. "So I'll go with ups and downs.

"It was two great teams that are going to make plays from start to finish," Ptaszek continued. "It's about what you'd expect. You just keep playing until there's no time left and see what happens, that's pretty much what we did."

Quinlan, who finished with 588 total yards, said he was proud of his team for their perseverance.

"We jumped all over them early but we weren't comfortable with that," Quinlan said. "We knew that these guys were as good as it gets in this country and they showed us why and battled right back. I'm just so proud of these guys for giving it everything that they had.

"We just had to be live and just play with our hearts," Quinlan added. "We might not have as much talent as the rest of these guys but you can do some crazy things when you play with everything that you've got. We knew we were in a football game, we knew they just weren't going to roll over. We could feel the momentum turning over and we had one choice and that was to battle back."

McMaster becomes the first OUA team to win the Vanier Cup since Queen's won 33-31 over Calgary in 2009.

"What a privilege it is to work with them," said Ptaszek. "We're going to enjoy it. I suspect we'll wake up tomorrow and start building and maybe not wait 44 years for the second one."

As for Laval, the streak of Vanier Cup wins is over. From the 1999 win - a 14-10 victory over Saint Mary's - to last year's 29-2 triumph over Calgary, this team was 6-for-6 in Vanier Cup games, winning low scoring tilts like 7-1 in 2004 or a high scoring game such as 44-21 over Western in 2008. They finally lost one.

This is only the second Vanier Cup to go into overtime. The first was a 50-40 win for Saskatchewan over Western in 1994.

Laval has been a dynasty in Canadian college football for a while now and although they didn't win this year, they should be rated first or second when next year's rankings come out.

As for McMaster, this was only their second trip to this game having lost 10-9 to Alberta in 1967.

This year's team has done it. And what a winning run - 10 wins in a row, last losing way back in September to Western.

As coach Ptaszek said on TSN: "You are the finest team ever to wear the M in front of their jerseys."

They are indeed. McMaster's first Vanier win, enjoy it.

For TSN.ca I'm Alex J. Walling.

Can you tell if we are happy????

2011-11-27T15:50:00.001-05:00

See the full gallery on Posterous

Vanier Cup

2011-11-27T11:56:00.001-05:00

In my photo album of Joey's football career this is the picture that will be the last entry. How can you top this? What a game.

Joey with the prize in his hands

2011-11-16T07:33:00.001-05:00

Bring on the Yates Cup.

2011-11-06T22:27:00.001-05:00

The picture says it all.

New Subway Train on TTC

2011-11-03T09:09:00.001-04:00

The TTC has acquired one and will be getting more new modern subway trains. I finally got to ride on one today. Here is a shot from my seat. You will note that it is one long continuous interior. You can see the entire length of the train. Cool. Sent from my BlackBerry

Classic Peanuts

2011-11-01T07:07:00.001-04:00

It's not a forest but...

2011-10-28T08:30:00.001-04:00

Fall is a beautiful time of year. Living in the burbs one does not see forests or large clumps of trees changing colour. However some individual trees are spectacular as witnessed by the tree in my neighbour's back yard.

Greatest baseball trick ever, unbelievable

2011-10-26T17:31:00.001-04:00

pitchbackjuggler.wmv Watch on Posterous

Last regular season game

2011-10-26T07:22:00.001-04:00

The game against Ottawa on October 22 was Joey's last regular season game of CIS football. Here is a pic from the end of the game.

Simple Philosophy

2011-10-25T16:24:00.001-04:00

Joey's career stats

2011-10-24T12:22:00.001-04:00

Canada Goose Party

2011-10-23T11:09:00.001-04:00

While out for a walk with the dogs I went by the run off pond for the subdivision and snapped this pic of all the Canada geese honking and swimming around. I suppose they are gathering before their migration south. Sent from my BlackBerry

Marvin the Cat

2011-10-19T09:52:00.001-04:00

My cat Marvin sits up on the bed by himself. He stayed like that for about 15 mins last night.

McMaster - 2011 McMaster Football Record Watch

2011-10-16T17:59:00.001-04:00

http://www.marauders.ca/sports/2011/8/15/FB-2011-recordwatch.aspx?path=football

Joey is now the all time McMaster rushing leader. He has carried the ball more times than any other Mac player. Link is to the records page.

Post game after Laurier game

2011-10-16T13:09:00.000-04:00

MAH00428.MP4 Watch on Posterous

Untitled

2011-10-16T12:45:00.001-04:00

https://picasaweb.google.com/112470691445705164544/20111015ByEyeFi?authkey=Gv...

selective hearing

2011-10-12T17:11:00.001-04:00

Too much excitement for mom

2011-09-25T11:15:00.001-04:00

As you may know Joey only played on play in the Mac vs Guelph game. He had teamed his ankle the game before and he could tell it was still not right. In any event the game went on and for a while it looked like Mac was going to lose but they came back strong in the second half to win easily. My mom was at the game and it was pretty warm and she did not drink her bottled water. As a result after the game talking to the players she fainted. Luckily there were trainers and medical staff at the ready. She is ok and back to her usual self.

Sent from my iPad

pics from joey's games

2011-09-19T20:13:00.001-04:00

these are photos taken by those who know how to take pictures.

See the full gallery on Posterous

Where is this?

2011-09-19T11:49:00.001-04:00

For all of you Ex Torontoians, where was this picture taken? And what memories do you have of the place?

________________________________

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Si vous avez reçu ce message par erreur, veuillez nous en aviser immédiatement et détruire ce courriel ainsi que toute pièce jointe en vous abstenant d'en faire une copie, d'en divulguer ou d'en diffuser le contenu.

McMaster - #3 MARAUDERS OPEN SEASON WITH EASY WIN AGAINST GAELS

2011-09-06T11:02:00.001-04:00

http://marauders.ca/news/2011/9/5/FB_0905111330.aspx

Sent from my iPad

Mac runner Nemet follows in Lumsden’s footsteps

2011-09-01T09:38:00.001-04:00

Terrific runner Burlington native Joey Nemet could finish the university football season second to Mac running great Jesse Lumsden in career rushing yards.

John Rennison/The Hamilton Spectator

Joey Nemet has a lot in common with Jesse Lumsden, the greatest running back in the history of McMaster University football.

By the end of this Ontario University Athletics season, those two Burlington natives could be 1-2 in the Mac record book for career rushing yardage. Former Hec Crighton Trophy winner Lumsden is the runaway leader at 4,138 yards, while Nemeth currently ranks fifth with 2,325. Ahead of him are Kyle Pyear (2,637), Jordan Kozina (2,439) and Kojo Aidoo (2,389).

“I realize that in my fifth year there’s a couple of milestones that I’m on the brink of reaching,” Nemet said recently during Mac’s final week of training camp at Ron Joyce Stadium. “Jesse is kind of far off in the distance. But it seems quite likely by the end of the season I’ll end up second behind him. It would be very special to have my name under his.”

Special because of how dominant Lumsden was at the Canadian university level, particularly in his fourth and final season for Mac in 2004. That year, the first-round CFL draft choice set a CIS single-season rushing record of 1,816 yards and scored 21 touchdowns. That despite often being pulled in the third and fourth quarter of games because the Marauders had built big leads. His average gain was 10.2.

If Nemeth stays healthy, he could surpass Lumsden (459) and Ross Tripp (471) for most career rushes by a Marauder. Entering the 2011 campaign, Nemet has carried the mail 406 times.

The opener of Mac’s eight-game schedule is Monday at 2 p.m. in Kingston (AM 900 CHML) against the Queen’s Gaels. The home opener is Saturday, Sept. 10, against the Western Ontario Mustangs.

Ironically, Nemet played three years of senior high school football in Burlington at Robert Bateman for Lumsden’s father, Neil, who was the head coach at the time. In addition, earlier this summer, Nemet spent two months training at the same high-performance training centre in Arizona that Jesse used to launch his career.

“It was very beneficial,” Nemet said of his stay in Scottsdale with Performance Enhancement Professionals. “Not only in terms of training experience. Obviously, I made some big gains physically. But I’m a kinesiology graduate, so to see what they do and how they prepare their athletes was great.”

At 5-foot-11, 205 pounds, Nemet has been a durable gridiron performer.

“Joey has been a consistent player, which is why he’s so high up on that (career yardage) list,” said Marauders offensive co-ordinator Jon Behie. “He got a chance to play right away in 2007. He hasn’t had that one breakout season yet like Kyle or Jesse — that’s why he’s under the radar a bit in terms of recognition. Joey works hard. We’re expecting good things from him this year, too.”

The Mac attack last year started bringing Nemet out of the backfield on occasion for passes. The second-team OUA all-star finished with nine catches for 108 yards and two receiving touchdowns in conference play.

“Joey proved he could take that on,” Behie said. “I think we’ll probably plan on using him the same way this year. When he came in, he wasn’t much of a route runner. He fought the ball a little.

“He’s a smart kid and a great teammate for the guys in the locker-room.”

Other players expected to take hand-offs this season are Jimmy Hill, Chris Pezzetta, Kasean Davis and Matt Kit. “I’m kind of the old man of the group,” Nemet said. “We have a new batch of young talent. They’re talented and will do great things once I’m gone.”

Mac enters the season ranked No. 3 nationally. Western is No. 2 and the defending Vanier Cup champion Laval Rouge et Or is No. 1.

“We have a lot of potential,” Nemet said. “There’s no reason why we can’t contend for a Yates Cup. I look forward to having a good season.”

Three guys travelled around the world and did a bit of filming...

2011-08-10T11:57:00.001-04:00

National Film Board of Canada: What happens when you travel the world and cut together 1 second of footage from each location?

Watch "Move" & find out:

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Sarah and Elvis

2011-08-01T23:23:00.001-04:00

Sarah had an absolute ball. She is not shy when it comes to meeting
Elvis as these pictures will attest.

See the full gallery on Posterous

My most favourite dog

2011-05-16T21:02:00.001-04:00

My dog Lucy.

Trump vs. Palin: who would win?

2011-05-06T12:51:00.001-04:00

May 6, 2011

Poll: Given Choice Between Palin and Trump, Most Voters Choose Suicide

Survey Spells Trouble for GOP, Pollster Says

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - A new survey of likely voters indicates that in a hypothetical match-up between former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin and billionaire Donald Trump, a majority would choose suicide over either candidate.

The poll, conducted by the University of Minnesota’s Opinion Research Institute, shows Mr. Trump drawing 21%, Gov. Palin 18%, and various forms of suicide 61%.

“Throwing yourself in front of a speeding city bus” was the most popular means of suicide at 22%, with “jumping off the roof of a really tall building or bridge” coming in second at 17%.

According to pollster Davis Logsdon, the surging popularity of suicide bodes ill for both Gov. Palin and Mr. Trump as potential presidential candidates in 2012.

“It’s still very early, but even at this stage of the game the prospect of one of those two being nominated shouldn’t be making voters want to kill themselves in these numbers,” Mr. Logsdon said.

Reached at his home in New York City, Mr. Trump pointed out that while he did not do as well as suicide, he still polled higher than Gov. Palin, adding, “That’s better than a sharp stick in the eye.”

But Mr. Logsdon was quick to throw cold water on Mr. Trump’s upbeat assessment: “In a head-to-head match-up, a sharp stick in the eye beats Donald Trump by a two-to-one margin.”

Meanwhile, Gov. Palin called for the White House to release pictures of Osama bin Laden, arguing, “I only read books with pictures.”

Get the Borowitz Report delivered to your inbox for free here.

Upcoming Events

June 28, 2011 at 07:30 PM

New York!

Andy hosts The Moth in Central Park. With special guest Pam Grier and more!

Location:
Central Park
For tickets go to Borowitz in NYC

The Borowitz Report: Waste Someone's Time: Forward to a Friend.


Sign up today for your own Borowitz Reports.	Remove me from this list.

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Spring Has Not Sprung

2011-04-21T10:17:00.001-04:00

No this is not a picture from my cousin's blog in Whitehorse nor from my cousin's in Edmonton. This is from Ontario just south of Sudbury taken April 20th.

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Best Car Ad Ever

2011-04-21T09:56:00.002-04:00

1998 Subaru Impreza Wagon - Markham - York Region Cars For Sale - Kijiji Markham - York Region Canada.mht Download this file

Star Spangled Banner

2011-04-15T16:40:00.002-04:00

R09_0133.mp3 Listen on Posterous

The TV show Glee has spawned a number of choral groups even here where I work. A small talented group of men and women I work with have formed a singing group and are really quite good. They hope to sing the national anthems at a Blue Jay game this year. Listen here to their audition tape of the Star Spangled Banner.

Embarrassingly inaccurate campaign website

2011-04-13T14:11:00.001-04:00

From: Russell McOrmond's blog

Embarrassingly inaccurate campaign website

The Conservative Party has launched an embarrassingly inaccurate campaign website focused on the private copying regime at ipodtax.ca. The reality is quite different given the Conservatives tabled legislation that would have increased the existing levy (which the campaign calls a "tax"). It is the Liberals proposing getting rid of the levy.

While it is true the Conservatives weren't proposing an expansion of the levy to devices, it is inaccurate to suggest they are greater opponents of the music levy than the Liberals.

I'm not sure why the Conservatives continue to highlight a policy area where their primary political opponents -- the Liberals -- have offered a far better alternative. I'm not a partisan supporter of either of these parties as anyone reading this blog would know, but it bothers me when such misinformation is abused in a political campaign.

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Election

2011-03-30T10:05:00.001-04:00

Do you know who you will vote for?

Well I will be honest and tell you that I am not sure. So, I went to the CBC website and answered a number of questions on issues on the Vote Compass which maps out how your answers line up with the positions of the major federal parties. Go to http://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/canadavotes2011/votecompass and check it out. I found it useful in helping me decide for whom I may vote.

Sent from my BlackBerry

More Hockey pics

2011-03-18T10:15:00.002-04:00

Here is David with some of his teammates basking in the glow of the Championship. Way to go Ancaster. Good luck in the Ontario finals in Thunder Bay next week.

World Statistics

2011-03-14T12:15:00.001-04:00

This site has a continuously updating list of global statistics. Interesting and also sobering.

http://www.worldometers.info/

Hockey Champions

2011-03-14T11:30:00.002-04:00

My cousin's son plays hockey and his team this past weekend won the OMHA championship played in Keswick Ontario. They are now off to Thunder Bay for the all Ontario championship. I had the pleasure of watching David play last weekend in Guelph and I can tell you that the hockey is fun and entertaining. I wish I had a tenth of the energy these players have. Here is a picture from the championship game. Way to go Bulldogs!!!!!

The price of gas

2011-03-11T11:03:00.002-05:00

Golfing at Disney World is Goofy

2011-03-03T11:24:00.002-05:00

Last week I was in Orlando with two friends for a week of golf and warm weather. One of the courses we played was the Magnolia course at Disney World. It is a great course and second only to the Orange County National Course (Panther Lake) which we also played.
The weather was grand- mid 80's all week, no rain and never had to wear anything other than short sleeves and shorts.

Family Proccedings from hell

2011-02-08T12:12:00.001-05:00

Download now or preview on posterous

2010onsc6568.pdf (198 KB)

Here is a recent court ruling describing a very bitter family dispute.

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Hockey Tour

2011-01-29T15:20:00.001-05:00

Here is a tour of our family room and the hockey related photos in it. There is something most except for one of the photos have in common. Can you figure it out?

Joe's Blog

Paraprosdokians

Untitled

WALLING: MCMASTER WINS FIRST VANIER CUP

Can you tell if we are happy????

Vanier Cup

Joey with the prize in his hands

Bring on the Yates Cup.

New Subway Train on TTC

Classic Peanuts

It's not a forest but...

Greatest baseball trick ever, unbelievable

Last regular season game

Simple Philosophy

Joey's career stats

Canada Goose Party

Marvin the Cat

McMaster - 2011 McMaster Football Record Watch

Post game after Laurier game

Untitled

selective hearing

Too much excitement for mom

pics from joey's games

Where is this?

McMaster - #3 MARAUDERS OPEN SEASON WITH EASY WIN AGAINST GAELS

Mac runner Nemet follows in Lumsden’s footsteps

Three guys travelled around the world and did a bit of filming...

Sarah and Elvis

My most favourite dog

Trump vs. Palin: who would win?

May 6, 2011

Poll: Given Choice Between Palin and Trump, Most Voters Choose Suicide

Survey Spells Trouble for GOP, Pollster Says

Upcoming Events

New York!

Spring Has Not Sprung

Best Car Ad Ever

Star Spangled Banner

Embarrassingly inaccurate campaign website

From: Russell McOrmond's blog

Embarrassingly inaccurate campaign website

Election

More Hockey pics

World Statistics

Hockey Champions

The price of gas

Golfing at Disney World is Goofy

Family Proccedings from hell

Hockey Tour

McMaster Football Banquet

FSCO's Got Talent

Kate's 5th Birthday

Sarah on the front page of the Burlington Post newspaper

Christmas Eve Post

Favourite family group photo

More pics from the brunch

Christmas Lunch at the Golf Club

CLB Christmas Lunch

A Peek into the future

Christmas Lights

First winter Snow

SARAH'S BIRTHDAY DINNER

Joey's Highlight DVD

Tottenham Parade Dec 4/10

Ryerson House Christmas Open House

I was the best man for my friend Greg this past weekend.

CLB Christmas Dinner and Dance

Scenes from my birthday dinner

Christmas concert at Community Living Burlington

New Toy

Bring your pet to Santa Day at the Hamilton SPCA

Love those red leaves

My grandmother is 100 years old

Parking in my garage

Scary Season

Autumn

Autumn in the City

QUINLAN AND NEMET COMBINE FOR 545-YARDS IN WILD VICTORY OVER GUELPH

Injury mars Marauders win over Gryphons

Injury mars Marauders win over Gryphons